Dear friend who’s a bit like me:
the obsessive, artistic, lone-wolf type, who can’t stop obsessing over new projects and making things when you should be present at your nephews birthday or gazing into the eyes of your partner, but instead your eyes are full of sparks and artistic ideas that keep flash-dancing before your eyes, and no matter how much you care for the person in front of you, you just. can’t. stop.
It’s hard for your relationships to compete with your first love: your craft. And oh how I let those responsive words stick: selfish, over-obsessive, over-sensitive to art, under-sensitive to everyday things, weird, abnormally solitary, disconnected to people and reality to the point you even took the psychopath test…just to check. It’s all the words you don’t want to be, except it feels more than a choice to change…it feels like your nature.
Your obsession (or passion) for your art has made you wonder…”is someone like me even incapable of having a relationship?” even though you crave connection. But you think they’ll just end up like the rest: neglected, because you live with an artistic-drive dragon.
Then the other problem with us fantasy-kids is the bad habit of expecting relationships to be as perfect as the designs and ideas in our artistic mind. No man or relationship can compete with that fantasy, yet you can’t seem to settle otherwise. So there I am, over-expecting the perfect relationship whilst scoring 85% on the psychopath test and starting to let the labels of ‘incapable to love’ stick on my heart. Therefore…I happily set sail down the life of a solitary, fantasy-fairy artist, until my humanness kicked in.
The things I’ve learnt in this part of my journey is…don’t take the labels. You’re not weird or broken if you see and feel things differently. And you’ll learn what you need to learn in it’s right time. You can’t skip your own growth stages. And we never stay the same…we’re creatures that walk roads, and roads take us to new places or new versions of ourselves.
And years after walking on my lone-wolf road, I evolved into another me. I now come packaged with a desire to share my life with another. Even start a family. Steady! Previous-vanessa believed that time spent with people was time stolen from my creative time, and I’d get angry at that.
But everything has price tag, energetically and emotionally. Every light has a shadow, and sometimes you’ve just got to pick which shadow you can live with the most. For me, I gladly paid in isolation and solitude for the time it gave me with music. Now, in this era of my evolution, I’ve found I want to swap price tags! Because our wants change, and that doesn’t mean we don’t know who we are or that our previous selves were wrong, confused or young, no…you need to be fully you in each stage. No phase is wasted.
So now if I could say one thing to myself for all the years I felt a bit weird and broken, I’d say…JUST. DO. YOU. Sure, you’ve got different wants and values to the girl next door, but maybe that’s because you’re made to do something a little different to what you see around you, and that’s a good thing. A creators job is to open up new roads that were never looked down before. Someone’s gotta walk it, so please: lead the way.
The world needs us all to step onto our own dance floor, to listen to that unique song that only plays for us, and dance it fully! The track may be over soon and you’d have lost the chance to grow those muscles you needed for your own development. So however you come, whatever music you’re hearing, just do that crazy version of you that calls you.
Embrace your shadow side too. Creators need sensitivity for capturing the magic, but the shadow of that sensitivity makes us open and potentially a little hyper to all the rest…just do it with kindness and respect to yourself and others. And if you are out of balance, over-eccentric or too obsessive, you’ll find your balance in time. Trust yourself.
There is a time for everything. If you’re in an obsessive artist chapter, then it’s yours to complete fully. With art you just gotta go full-on ‘rabbit warren’ sometimes. So go ahead…dive into the warren, you won’t lose your mind because you’re a constant, evolving creature and, who knows, maybe at the end of your warren you’ll find a real genuine craving to be a bit more…umm…normal! Y’know…? Like communing with other rabbits. You might even do a Mother teresa on the world! Or maybe you’ll stay in the artists warren your whole life, and that makes for a fine rabbit too because look at how the thing you make in there lights up the other rabbits, or how it creates for them a space to openly sit with all their colours … and cabbages..and I need to get out of this warren!
But art has a way of moving us to a place we need to visit, so if you’re an artist and you’re being weird and obsessive…(for now)…thank you.
I know us artist types can’t do balance or moderation too well, we find our way a little more erratically! But trust your own pendulum, there’s a time for everything.
Quick side note…”procrastination”! Yeah it comes with our character turf too. Apparently it’s a fear-based thing, and the only way I know around it is to:
That is all.
Farewell, fair rabbit.
Vanessa Forero is a British-Colombian Singer-Songwriter who will release her new EP ‘Fuego’ later this year. The songstress is also a bestselling author, having co-written the book on her mother’s extraordinary life ‘The Girl With No Name’, for which National Geographic made the globally broadcast feature documentary ‘Woman Raised By Monkeys’. The sequel book is on its way. Follow her on Social Media: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook